“He had a demon in him,” she stated matter-of-factly, pausing to look down at her cards, “and…it did not like you.”

She then cut her sharp blue eyes up at me; they were lined with thick dark makeup that made them pop even more in contrast against her pale skin and blonde hair. Her body language expressed that she was about to tell me some things straight up and not at all sugar coated; as if she hadn’t already. It was like she was looking right through the surface of me; she wasn’t speaking to the Synava that can be seen, but rather the Synava within, the unseen.

It was October now, just over a month after I split from my ex. In addition to everything that had happened with him I had also quit my job, having long since tired of the monotony and lackluster I felt there. I was considering moving from my beloved condo out of fear that my ex would stalk me as he had proven he was capable of doing in the past. Now, to help sort everything out I had come to a psychic. It was my first time going to one, and it was on the same day I submitted my divorce papers.

“Did he have a near death experience, maybe a near drowning or something of the sort?” she asked me.

“I…umm, I can vaguely remember him saying something like that,” I tried to recall scrunching my eyes shut as I searched my brain, “but I can’t say for sure.”

“That’s typically how a demon enters the body…” she concluded looking back down at her cards.

She wasn’t trying to gauge if he had a demon, no. She was sure of it and was trying to gauge how it got there. Within seconds thoughts flashed through my mind to the deep dark circles he always had under his eyes, to the strange rabid dog wrinkle in his nose that last night, and the sharp pointed ears of his silhouette when he had stood in the doorway, amongst other things. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination after all. My psychic did explain that what I saw in him may not be the true him, but rather the demon within dictating his actions like a puppet.

This explained a lot. It explained why so many things had gone wrong in all areas of my life since I’d met him. It explained how I had come from being so happy and excited about life prior to meeting him to feeling miserable and drained in only one year. It explained why he was so strongly attracted to me, while I constantly sought to repel him from my life. He was a spiritual/energetic leech; a drain for positive energy, because he was incapable of creating his own independently.

The session with my psychic lasted an hour and revealed a lot to me at that time. After I left, I called my ex to ask him if he had had a near death experience in the past. I still could not remember but it felt like he had said something about such an event before. He did not answer. That was the last time I ever tried to contact him. I committed myself right then and there to not letting him back into my world out of pity or kindness as I had done before. After what had just been revealed and confirmed to me, that was the surest way to protect myself and my daughter. I put my divorce papers in the mail, then took my little person to meet friends at the pumpkin patch.

The beginning of the shift within me, that eventually led me to visit my psychic, and to the events I’m about to describe, began just after my ex’s first assault on me in July. Seemingly out of the blue I had this inexplicable urge to buy sage. I became nearly consumed with learning more about it and other herbs, and securing a bundle for myself. Sage wasn’t something I had studied at any significant level of depth before, but something kept telling me I needed it.

The urge was subtle yet constant, like the repetitive voice that tells you to call and check on a family member or to get your oil changed. After about a week or so, I finally found my first bundle. Eventually, I remembered that there was place in downtown Vegas I had seen during First Friday that sold it. Backed by determination and unwilling to wait any longer, I took my lunch break one day to go and purchase a bundle.

When I got home that night I was buzzing with excitement. Opening all the windows and all the doors, all the cabinets, closets, and cupboards, and drawers, covering all the mirrors and turning off all the electronics throughout my home, I set fire to my sage bundle and went through the ritual of smudging as I had read about it. My ex was there at the time and wanted to participate, but my sense was that this was something I needed to do alone.

At the very moment my sage began to burn a storm kicked up outside; no lie. It swooned in quickly, not gradually. There was thunder and lightning, and the wind blew the curtains with a force I do not recall ever seeing before, or since, in all my years of living there. I could feel the chill of the stormy air swirling through my space, nipping at my skin like fingertips as it followed me from room to room, cleaning up behind me so to speak as I saturated each room with copious amounts of smoke.

Though it would later prove to have been beyond my full comprehension at the time, what I was doing was powerful. The timing of the storm was no coincidence either, it was confirmation. Confirmation that what I was doing and the effects it would have were very real. I just knew it and ensured that every nook, cranny, and corner got a good smudging. There was so much smoke that the fire alarms went off at least two or three times, even though all the windows and doors were wide open. Around the same time that I was bringing the smudging of myself and my home to a close, the storm outside also began to die down, leaving only a light wind and quiet sprinkle of rain.

This marked the beginning of forcing negativity out of my life; I had been guided from within to do so. The burning of sage is an ancient ritual traditionally performed to drive out evil spirits, negative energies, thoughts, and sentiments from a particular space or person. Without even consciously knowing all of this initially, it had come to me instinctively to seek out sage, learn more, and begin smudging for myself. It’s amazing how many things fell away after doing so, and it is no coincidence that the dissolution of my relationship with my ex followed shortly after.

Continuing my studies, I began to learn about and smudge with other herbs such as Yerba Santa, Cedar, Juniper, Mugwort, Mullien, and Orris Root to name a few. I began to learn not only what it meant to burn certain herbs, but why I had the inexplicable urge to gather and burn them in the first place. The universe around me was preparing me for the next phase of my life. I was being cleansed and prepared for whatever was coming by initiating the expulsion of the negativity I had allowed into my surroundings. In other words, it was time to move on to the next level, and in order to get there I had to let go of the relationships I had agreed to as well as thoughts and feelings I had allowed to creep in, for they were not only holding me back but occupying valuable space in my physical, mental, and spiritual realms.

I’d sometimes wonder how others could see anything different than what I saw with my ex. I’ve come to realize there are many answers to this. People are not difficult to fool, especially by a sociopath like him. Not only was he good at pretending, but many people are either still asleep themselves, some are equally as disturbed as he is, and others know and see the truth about (people like) him but choose to keep it to themselves for whatever reason. Some, like myself back then, may even see it but cannot articulate it and therefore choose to remain silent for fear of sounding crazy.

Funny thing is, in this regard, many people will state they believe in angles and demons, in spiritual beings and a world beyond our comprehension, Gods and Devils (singular or plural) or negative and positive energies, but when confronted with such realities, they suddenly become unbelievers of even their own religions. They can’t see the forest for the trees so to speak, or what is right in front of them. They often remain oblivious. Is it by choice or genuine naivete? This was an epiphany I had coming out of that relationship and into this new realm.

The day I filed for divorce, the same day I had seen my psychic, was only a little over two months after I began smudging on a regular basis. It took a few days to convince my ex to sign the divorce papers, but eventually he did. I had wanted for us to go half on the cost for the divorce but he had already stated that he wouldn’t agree to pay any of it. So, I concocted a story about moving out of my apartment to gauge if he could even afford to pay so I could petition the court to split the cost. To me there was nothing wrong with manipulating a manipulator with such a lie. It was partially true anyway; as I mentioned, I was thinking of moving to prevent him from stalking me, but in the end I stayed put opting not to let fear force me to leave the home I loved so much.

Trying to get him to pay half the cost only prolonged the process. Ultimately, I decided not to pursue him for the money; it was more important that the whole ordeal be over and done with. While waiting for our divorce to be final, something else came into my life. One day whilst lounging at the pool a neighbor of mine struck up a conversation, as he always did when we saw each other. I told him what had happened between my ex and I and he gave the same resonating response I would get from the many of those who found out about our split.

“The two of you didn’t match,” he said scrunching up his face in a look of disagreement. It was as if he had wanted to say that for a long time.

“You’re too classy for him.”

Having heard that so many times, I began to feel even more embarrassed for staying in that relationship as long as I did. Even outsiders looking in knew I could do better, and wondered why I didn’t. What was wrong with me that would have me in a state to settle for so much less? My neighbor and I spoke for a while about the whole situation I had experienced, even down to the many strange and unfortunate occurrences that had happened while I was with my ex. Eventually he invited my daughter and I to dinner with him and his children later that evening.

We joined them, and afterwards the five of us decided to peruse around Town Square for a bit to enjoy the warm night air and walk off our meal. Just around the corner from our restaurant, my neighbor’s daughter lead us to what she said was one of her favorite shops in the whole plaza. I often proclaim that Town Square was my second home; I was there so often for so many different reasons and felt I knew the place like the back of my hand.

Even so, this particular place I had never seen before. It wasn’t hidden away or down some unpopular side-way either, it was actually very near the main entrance and next to a popular restaurant, but it wasn’t until that night that I was meant to come across it. As I walked in my eyes widened and my heart lightened. I had been led to a goldmine, another source for learning and knowledge, a new element for my spiritual growth was being brought forth. Staying true to my oblivious nature up to that point, I didn’t even realize how valuable it would prove to be to me until more time passed. Now though, it can be understood so clearly.